The several paths He opens…

Before, I used to make so many plans, I used to set up so many goals, standards and expectations for myself; I was really hard on myself, not allowing for any mistake, not giving myself any break. I was a real control freak, always set for perfection, and if something was not going as expected, I used to be thrown off balance and feel unsettled; I used to resent myself, blaming my choices, my lack of hard work, my lack of dedication, always seeing some wrong in myself, always feeling worthless, not good enough, always focusing on the small details instead of seeing the big picture, instead of trying to understand why, and weight the good and the bad to be able to learn from it, grow stronger, be better prepared for the other challenges that would come ahead…

For me, life had to be a straight line, it had to be a smooth path with no bumps; I was expecting myself to always easily overcome all the trials and challenges that I would face, I was expecting to always win, to always get everything I wanted. For me, what I wanted was what I had to get and where I wanted to be was where I had to go. I didn’t give much thought to wonder what God really wanted for me, I was just having in my head this notion of life and success that I got from witnessing the others around me, having grown up in an environment where I was always put in competition with my peers, where I always needed to prove myself, where I needed to live up to the expectations of the others. This way, what I thought were my needs and desires were actually the needs and desires of the others for me. It seemed like I didn’t know who I was anymore, I was just living to please the others, and fulfil the dreams that they had forced into my head, the dreams I thought were mine but actually were not. I grew up losing myself more and more and being someone I was not in sync with, someone that was not ME, someone I couldn’t even describe, someone I didn’t know, and I ended up settling, cohabitating with someone else. I stopped trying, I stopped wanting to explore myself and know who I really am, my tastes, my passions, my personal dreams and goals in life. I stopped trying to be myself, I stopped trying to express myself, I shut down my personality; I was behaving as the others were expecting me to, always being taken as an example, as a role model, and at some point, it became too much for me to handle I guess…

In my conception, only one path was supposed to lead me to success, to achieve all my goals and expectations. I was really narrow-minded, and even though I am really good at adapting myself, I was kind of scared at times to take the initiative, this first step towards change. I always needed a little bit of a push, some triggers that would make me act and dive right through it and actually go for it. I would never consider some other options or make any plan B or C or D because only plan A was supposed to work and lead me to where I wanted to be; another way would mess up my chances and close all the doors that I wanted to be opened for me. In fact, I needed to learn the hard way to actually realise, to actually understand, to actually start relying more on God than on my own abilities and hard work. I needed to learn the hard way to actually wake up and grow, to actually be tougher. I needed to learn the hard way because God wanted to turn me into a real warrior, someone who keeps on fighting, on having faith, someone who never falls into despair nor discouragement. I needed to learn the hard way because God has so many plans for me that I would have never considered had I gotten what I wanted at first. I needed to learn the hard way to understand that God does open several paths and doors for us and that in reality, nothing is impossible nor too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32:17, 26-27). I needed to learn the hard way to know that God’s plan is always the best and that for sure, He wants and always gives us the very best to make us prosper, give us a future and hope, but first, we need to give our whole selves to Him, without reservation, without any doubt nor back thoughts (Jeremiah 29:10-14) . I definitely needed to learn the hard way to actually understand and experience that for sure, everything works well for those who love Him, fear Him, listen to Him and are willing to obey (Romans 8:28).

When God allows some rejections in our lives, it is not to punish us but to actually redirect us because He always has a better plan, He always has a move ahead but we are too caught up in the pain, constantly comparing, that we fail to see it, we fail to understand it, we fail to embrace it and actually learn from it and go to a greater level of faith, understanding, maturity, closeness and intimacy with Him. We actually need to ask Him what He wants for us and where He wants us to go. And if some doors get closed along the way, we should not be discouraged but rather know that we will always be where He wants us to be, where we really belong, in order to meet the people He wants us to meet and learn from them, be inspired by them, also share and inspire them. In His Word God said: “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV). Hence, we should open our eyes of faith to actually perceive the good things that God wants to bring in our lives and stop blocking them because of frustration, jealousy, stubbornness, lack of faith. Sometimes, we should accept to lose and go some steps back to actually be ready to jump further the next time and enter into our blessings, our purpose. We should accept the pain of rejection, the pain of failing, in order to expand our horizons and possibilities, to stretch ourselves, to sweep away our past limitations and insecurities, to grow, and be willing to look for another opportunity that would actually elevate us and place us exactly in the path we are to take, exactly in the direction we have to be in.

In a dream, God brought the prophet Ezekiel into the Valley of Dry Bones, He asked Ezekiel if he thought that these bones that were so dry could ever live again, and Ezekiel answered that only God knew. Then, God asked him to prophesy so that these bones would have sinew, then flesh, then skin. And finally, God asked Ezekiel to prophesy so that these bodies would have Breath in them again, and they did (Ezekiel 37:1-14). In the end, God told Ezekiel that these dry bones were actually the house of Israel that had been deported, killed and sent into exile in a foreign land; these were thinking that their hope was lost, that they were cut off from God’s grace, promises and inheritance while actually, God planned to revive them again, to bring them back into their own land, to forgive them, to re-establish them, to restore them, to give them Life again. Therefore, we should always know that no matter what, as long as we belong to God, as long as we commit our ways to Him, as long as we accept and obey His plans, our hope will never be lost, He will always open new ways, paths, possibilities and opportunities for us, and we will never fall short of His grace and care, of His great and unconditional love.