Knowing that He is there ALWAYS

Before, when something wasn’t going the way I would have liked, I was freaking out, feeling like losing control. I would automatically think that God had left me, that He wasn’t with me anymore, that I did something so terrible that He just gave up on me. Whenever something went unplanned, I used to compare with what the others had and where they were in their lives, and I would tell myself that if God were really with me, I would be at the same stage as them. This led me to a lot of frustration, confusion and doubts regarding God’s grace and His presence by my side at all time.

Then, reading the book of Exodus, I found myself really annoyed at how the Israelites always complained to Moses whenever a small thing went wrong, I found myself criticising them, thinking that they were of little faith and that they did not trust that God was able to bring them out of any uneasy situation. I found myself really mad at them but then I realised that I was the same and maybe worse. Whenever a small trial popped up in my life, I was forgetting everything, telling myself that I would never come out of it, that it was the end, that my life was over, that I would never realise my dreams, never reach my expectations in life. I was being really dramatic and over the top, overthinking everything. Now, looking at it with more perspective, it makes me smile because I realise how much I grew up, how much I matured, how much I gained more sanity and wisdom. I used to freak out, forgetting that God was with me and that in the past, He had pulled me out of similar situations. I used to forget God’s past grace and mercy, taking it for granted. I used to forget how low and helpless I was finding myself when God showed up and directed me, healing me and helping me handling these hardships that I first thought insurmountable.

The same goes for the Israelites; when they said to Pharaoh that they wanted out and he made their situation worse than before (Exodus 5), they complained and thought that they would die, forgetting God’s promises that He spoke through Moses. Then came the plagues and the first feast of the Passover; they could finally go, they were free from slavery. When they arrived in front of the red sea with the Egyptian army following them with horses and chariots, they again complained to Moses and thought that they would die, they were already forgetting that God was there, that He had freed them from slavery and that if He had led them all this way up, then He must already have a solution for them (Exodus 14). This solution was unconceivable for the human mind and understanding but for God, it was nothing (1 Cor 2:9). Then, after crossing the red sea and seeing the Egyptians killed, they sang praises to God (Exodus 15), it was great and awesome, they were relieved, they thought it was over. However at some point, they found themselves hungry in the desert and thought again that they would die, but God gave them Manna in the morning and Quail in the night; one portion for each day except on the day before Sabbath where they could have a double portion since they were supposed to rest on the Sabbath and not go out to gather food. Yet, some wanted to take more for the next days, not trusting that God would or could give them food again the following day (Exodus 16). Then they arrived at Rephidim and they got thirsty, they again complained to Moses and to God, they were thinking that they would die, but God provided them with water from the rock (Exodus 17). Finally, Israel arrived at Mount Sinai (Exodus 19) and Moses was to go up there to receive recommendations from God for them. As Moses delayed, the Israelites thought that he was maybe dead and that he was never coming back. So they complained to Aaron, asking him to make a new god for them. They again forgot the almightiness of God, they forgot all the good things He did for them before, all the miracles He worked for them because He loved them, they forgot that He was by their side. They didn’t realise that even though they felt like stagnating, God was actually revealing to Moses all the laws, statutes and commandments that they were to follow to enter into their inheritance, the legacy that God had prepared for them and that He promised to Abraham. So Aaron made their god, the golden calf (Exodus 32), and God was angry but Moses interceded for them so that He would have mercy on them. The list goes on, but what I want to point out is that so many times, they did wrong, so many times, they forgot about God, so many times, they disrespected God, so many times they understated His power and abilities, so many times, they did not believe that He loved them, so many times, they doubted His presence. But so many times, God had mercy on them, so many times, God restored them, so many times, God showed them his unconditional love by working out miracles in their presence.

Indeed, the Israelites were always complaining, forgetting all God’s past miracles and deliverances, always testing Him when the situation was turning bad, doubting that He was by their side; «[…] they tested the Lord by saying, “Is the Lord among us or not”» (Exodus 17:7 NIV). I realised that I was doing the same most of the time without even realising. In this way, gradually, God’s Word allowed me to see my real self, my flaws, like in a mirror. I saw all the things I did wrong, grieving the Holy Spirit. The learning process for me was long and intense; it was very painful to be honest with myself, to acknowledge my flaws and accept to put them in front of God for Him to work in me, to heal me, to make me better, to make me new. Of course it is not over, I am still learning how to lose control and let it go, letting God fully decide of the direction I have to take. It is daunting and very challenging and yet, it is really freeing and relieving as the process goes on.

Hence, we should remember that the many hardships and trials that will come in our lives will make us uncomfortable, even making us doubt God’s presence at times. However, God allows them in order to stretch us, helping us expand, evolve. It can be quite hard but we should know that it is definitely worth it because God is faithful; He worked miracles for many people before us so He will definitely work miracles for us as well, but only if we give Him full control. In Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV), Moses said to the people on God’s behalf : “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today […] The Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent”. We should keep these words closer to our heart, we should learn how to remain silent and find joy and peace within these moments of stillness, these moments of quietness. We should remember that He is there, in our lows as in our ups. We should trust, meditate on God’s Word and let Him work. Of course we should do our part, but above all, we should know that we need faith, we should know that we need discernment, we should know that we need patience. So we should pray God to really overwhelm us with His Holy Spirit so as to receive His Love from which will come the faith and light that would enable us to walk in His way, shining and evolving towards the people He really wants us to be.

26/03/2020